In 1938, researchers from Harvard began a decades-long study to find out what makes us happy in life. The researchers gathered health records from 724 participants from all over the globe and, at two-year intervals, asked questions about their lives.

You might think it's career achievement, money, exercise, or a healthy diet that makes us happy. Instead, according to a CNBC article written by Marc Schultz and Robert Waldinger, the most consistent finding learned through 85 years of study is: “Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer. Period.”

The article states, “Relationships affect us physically. Ever notice the invigoration you feel when you believe someone has really understood you during a good conversation? Or a lack of sleep during a period of romantic strife? To make sure your relationships are healthy and balanced, it's important to practice "social fitness." We tend to think that once we establish friendships and intimate relationships, they will take care of themselves. But our social life is a living system, and it needs exercise.”

Seven keystones of support

We are social creatures and are not able to provide everything we need for ourselves. We need others to interact with and to help us. The authors site seven keystones of support:

·     Safety and security: Who would you call if you woke up scared in the middle of the night? Who would you turn to in a moment of crisis?

·     Learning and growth: Who encourages you to try new things, to take chances, to pursue your life's goals?

·     Emotional closeness and confiding: Who knows everything (or most things) about you? Who can you call on when you're feeling low and be honest with about how you're feeling?

·     Identity affirmation and shared experience: Is there someone in your life who has shared many experiences with you and who helps you strengthen your sense of who you are?

·     Romantic intimacy: Do you feel satisfied with the amount of romantic intimacy in your life?

·     Help (both informational and practical): Who do you turn to if you need some expertise or help solving a practical problem (e.g., planting a tree, fixing your WiFi connection).

·      Fun and relaxation: Who makes you laugh? Who do you call to see a movie or go on a road trip with who makes you feel connected and at ease?

Why you need different types of relationships

As you read through this list, remember that not all, or even most, of your relationships offer you all of these types of support. That is why you need different types of relationships including key relationships and positive relationships.

In our book, Time To Get Real! the chapter entitled Relationships focuses on the key relationships in your life, their importance, and how they can help you to gain unvarnished feedback on your decisions and plans. The chapter also includes advice about relationships in general that can either help or hinder you in building a fulfilling life.

Key relationships occur with those people with whom you can share your innermost thoughts and plans about life and career. These are people you trust and whose advice and counsel you would want to seek. They are willing to tell you what you need to hear even if you do not want to hear it.

Key relationships require the capacity to build trust. Trust in a relationship creates a feeling of safety. Safety allows for personal sharing. The sharer understands that he or she can trust the relationship and therefore can be open and transparent in a dialogue. The receiver in the relationship understands that trust is the basis for the relationship and therefore knows that the sharer is vulnerable, and he or she would never do anything to break confidence or to hurt the person who is sharing. Such a relationship should propel you, the sharer, toward your best life.

Everyone also needs some positive relationships in their life. These are not key relationships as described above. Instead, they are relationships that are able to bring some lightness and color into your life. They are the family members who you always look forward to seeing. They are the friends you love to travel with. They are the men and women who share your interests. They are the kind of people who have values that align with yours. They are your advisors and supporters at work. They are your friendly neighbors.

Our relationships are important and individuals with robust relationships maximize their chances for happiness. It’s not easy to be a workaholic if you know you have to play tennis twice a week with Laura. It’s harder to be alone watching television for hours when Paul expects you to have lunch with him at least once a week. A cure for feeling old occurs when you get out to watch your grandchildren play soccer, baseball, or football. Relationships push you outside of yourself. They require solid interaction between human beings. Relationships also vary in their intensity. The key is to have enough of them to bring variety and interest into your life.

If you would like more information about Relationships, we recommend reading chapter four of our book Time To Get Real!. Having fulfilling relationships is one component of the Life and Career Planning Model© featured in the book. This model is the framework for developing your own life and career plan. Should you choose to create your own plan, we suggest that you consider some personal coaching that can help you discern and activate your life’s mission and move you toward the best life and career you deserve. Our coaching fees and services are flexible and meet a broad array of client financial and coaching needs. All Life and Career Planning LLC coaches are experienced and certified in the Life and Career Planning Model© and serve as your accountability partner. To inquire about working with a coach, click here.