When I was younger, I used to play video games. I would not consider myself at all a gamer by today's standards. We had a Nintendo 64 with game cartridges that you could still blow on to make them work. I used to love this Star Wars game called Rogue Squadron. You would fly around in an X-wing defending the Rebel base from the evil Empire. As you flew around, you would hit spots that would trigger cut scenes where the Empire would destroy buildings and you'd have to complete these side missions to complete the level. However, what was true of this game and many at the time was if you didn't see something happen - it didn't happen. So, in your multiple attempts at completing a level, you learned how to avoid certain areas to keep those cut scenes from being triggered. In other words, you didn’t want any surprises even though you knew that those surprises were just around the corner.

It seems like, in life, we've adopted a similar attitude. If we don't see something happening, it doesn't happen. It makes sense - we go toward things that give us pleasure and avoid the things that don't. But, in reality, things are happening outside our view.

Everyone looks at their bank account and wishes they had more

The truth is - almost no one grows up talking about money and it is seldom we learn about it in school. Everyone looks at their bank accounts and wishes they had more. Everyone thinks about all the decisions they could have made - how they could have started saving and investing earlier. Everyone at some point looks at things to come, whether it's immediate bills or future goals, and wonders “how I will do this?”

We live in a world where it's effortless to swipe our cards and pay for things. We have built a world that much like the video game, so long as we don't see the mountain of debt piling up, it isn't happening. So long as the card keeps swiping, I can carry on with my day. We do this with all areas of life; how many people only see the doctor when they are sick? Only go to the dentist when their tooth hurts? Only get their car checked when the light comes on? Like the video game, we've learned to navigate our world while desperately hoping to avoid setting off any of those side missions. Like the video game, if I don't go to the dentist, he can't tell me I have a cavity, and therefore, I don't have one now and don't have to think about it. But, maybe, just maybe if I flossed every day, I could avoid the pain of a cavity.

manage your money Better

If you're reading this, there is a good chance you hit a trigger and now you want to figure out what to do. Here is some advice: the chapter on Financial Planning in the book Time To Get Real! is a gift. I found it important, and I know that it will help you to better manage your money.

First, as the Japanese philosopher, Musashi once said, "It will be difficult at first, but all things are difficult at first." We forget how difficult it was to walk at first, but now we do so without thinking about it. We forget how much we struggled with basic math, and now we exchange currencies and schedule times to meet without thinking about it. We forget how difficult it was the first time you met someone you liked, and now you're living with someone and maybe having a family. All things take time. The more you do something, the more comfortable you will become doing it. This also applies to money management and financial planning.

Second, let's deal with that c-word, comfortability. Most people I know are not comfortable with their finances. There is enormous anxiety over even talking about money or checking their bank account. Being comfortable or uncomfortable are emotional responses, which may be difficult to manage. Here are few tips I have learned:

1. We can be hurt more by our expectations than the action themselves. This is true in multiple ways. Sometimes, we are hurt more by our expectations of people's actions than the actual actions themselves. At other times, we are hurt more by our expectation of checking our account and having $5,000 than the actual action of logging in and finding we only have $1,000.

2. We are not robots that can switch emotions on or off. Human beings experience an array of emotions. From a very young age, we are told we need to control our emotions, which often translated to when we got upset, we were supposed to flip a switch and stop behaving in a way that didn't align with what someone else thought was acceptable. The psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl once wrote, "between stimulus and response, there is space." It's okay to feel anxious, angry, or whatever emotion you are feeling about your financial situation. When that happens, you can identify how you are feeling and choose how to manage that feeling. If you feel anxious, decide to take a deep breath and move forward. There are thousands of free resources.

3. You are not alone. Everyone should have a system of support, whether that's family and friends or professionals. Whether you realize it or not, there are a lot of people in this world who want to help you. The professionals can come from your bank, your investment or insurance company, or from a financial planner.

Third, be okay with where you are today. You have to start from someplace and here today is the someplace. We live in a world of overstimulation and oversharing. It is so easy to compare yourself to others and think less of yourself because of it. Remember, you don't know their whole story, and quite frankly, it doesn't matter. Don't worry about the things you could have done or should have done. Just focus on yourself, and wherever you are in the process, be okay with that. No matter where you are starting, it is better than never starting at all. But start you must.

Finally, we don't all start at the same place - and you need to accept that. The world is not a fair and equal place. Every one of us is on our own journey. No one can travel that path for you. You have to accept that. You have to own that. You can’t rewrite your past, but you can be the author of your future.

There are a ton of books out there about money, personal finance, investing, etc. It feels like most people don't take advantage of those or are in a place to learn from them because of one of the things I've listed above. We've built a society that entraps people into addictions. If you found this article because of trigger points, like a check bouncing, not having enough money to pay your bills, etc., be careful not to fall back into those habits that led you here. It seems like many people do well for some time, start to see progress, and then fall back into those old habits like spending too much, saving too little, or impulse shopping. Get to know your triggers and follow your plan.

I hope this article was beneficial to you. If you take nothing else from it, remember you are not alone. There are many people - like the life and career coaches at Life and Career Planning - who can help you develop and stick to a plan that is right for you. So, show your strength and ask for help if you need it.

Guest Blog by Jason Khurdan

Jason is the Manager of Central Services, Rutgers Access & Disability Resources, Rutgers University. His role is to work with individuals with disabilities to ensure equal access at Rutgers. He specializes in Assistive Technology (AT) and leads a team that works with individuals one-on-one to recommend and implement various resources. In addition to his work with individuals with disabilities in higher education, he has previously owned his own non-profit, which mentored children in Newark from K-12. Jason is also a Certified Life and Career Planning Coach.

In addition to the work he does at Rutgers, he builds websites and does small business consulting. He has sat on many strategic planning committees for large publishing companies and previously chaired the group across the Big Ten, which focused on course accessibility.

In his spare time, he practices a Japanese martial art called Aikido, which focuses on creating harmony. When not on the mat, Jason enjoys 3D design and 3D printing. 

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