As a child, one of the most common questions you are asked is, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Now, I completely understand the good intent behind this question, we want kids to dream and learn and imagine all of the possibilities for their lives. As a child, your view of the world is quite narrow, you only know what you can see or what you are taught. Because of this, doctors, lawyers, nurses, teachers, police officers, firefighters are all popular choices in an elementary school career day. None of these things seemed like they were for me, and I always felt uneasy about having a specific career be such a central focus from such a young age. Everything felt like it was about what are we going to do now to reach that goal. The focus was always on what you could do, what transferrable skills do you have. Honestly, this approach led me to believe there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t think of a job I wanted to do; I just knew that I wanted to do something to make a difference in people’s lives. What that was, I had no clue, and because my ideas were so abstract, I assumed they didn’t count. I continued on to high school and college, never really sure of my path, but just following the steps everyone else did, hoping I’d figure it out eventually.

I wasn’t completely aimless. I had some general ideas about what I cared about, but I struggled to ascertain what any of it meant. As the years went on, I went from high school to a very choppy college experience, always thinking that if I found the right school, the right program, the right community that I would figure out what I was supposed to do. I had a handful of very valuable experiences, but nothing that ever led anywhere I deemed as ‘real.’ Perhaps I would have if I was focusing on who I wanted to become rather than what I was going to do.

I wanted a different life

Fast forward past college, my search continued. This call center job, that marketing job, a human resources position, I tried to no avail, but everything felt off. I felt like I was just going through the motions, I was good at my work, but it never filled me up, and because I never felt fulfilled, I wasn’t bringing my best self to the table. I couldn’t access her when I was doing these jobs because these jobs weren’t bringing me closer to who I wanted to be. I didn’t want to just go to work for 40 hours a week to check a box, but I figured this was just what is supposed to happen when you grow up.

When we found ourselves in the middle of a pandemic, everyone seemed to be asking more questions of themselves. When we saw in such a stark way, just how precious life is, it caused me to pause and consider whether just putting my life on autopilot was my only option. I felt like I had tried so many things and none of them fulfilled me in the way that I was hoping. I kept thinking there had to be something more, and during this time I began interrogating my own thoughts and choices. I was presented with the opportunity to go through the Life and Career Planning model.

I will be completely honest; when I first saw what it entailed, my anxiety went through the roof. I was not used to putting my ideas for my future on paper because I honestly didn’t really have any idea what I wanted my future to look like, and that was terrifying. As I worked through the model, I became a different kind of scared. I had now put out into the world what I dreamt, and I could no longer hide from it or claim that I didn’t know what I wanted or that the things I imagined for myself weren’t even in the realm of possibility.

Changing the way I see myself

Each step built on the ones before it, and as I worked my way through, I began to see how connected everything in my life was. It helped me to identify things that truly matter to me and how I can best make an impact on the world. I have never felt comfortable with defining myself by a job title or what I do. I am also uncomfortable with creating a vision of who I want to be, but it’s the kind of discomfort that forces action. It’s a pretty powerful thing to take back your identity from what you believe you should be and focus more on who you want to be, what are your values, what brings you joy, how you relate to others. This model has changed the way I see myself.

I was daunted by the first chapter asking about interests, thinking I had none, but I soon learned that was far from true. I didn’t think the other things about me mattered until I figured out what the heck I wanted to do with my life. What I hadn’t realized was that those were the things about me that were going to help reveal my purpose. It also helped me to identify areas for development. As I worked through this model, I began to realize that my confidence was the biggest thing that was holding me back. The model forced me to write down and talk about my strengths and weaknesses in a way I had feared in the past. I have been learning to become less timid about what I have to offer. I may not have the experience that I had anticipated having at this point in my life, but I have had life experiences that have helped me become the person I need to be for what comes next. I am not a robot who can be automated to do specific tasks, and that is okay, processes can be learned.

Being less afraid of what comes next

When it came time to put it all together in my action plan, one thing was clear-- if I had taken this type of approach to my life when I was younger, I may not have spent as much time jumping around and feeling like there was something wrong with me. Rather than blaming myself for time lost, I decided I could leverage those experiences to help others through similar uncertainties. I began brainstorming ways that I could do this and decided that my action plan would include steps to reach young people who are at their own crossroads and help them to be less afraid of what comes next by putting them in the driver’s seat.

I am a human being who brings my lived experience to take a holistic view of situations, connects with empathy, acts with integrity, and is guided by purpose. As Glinda, the good witch says in The Wizard of Oz, “You’ve had the power all along my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.” Working through this model has not changed who I am, it has revealed who I have always been and given me the confidence to bring that person into the world.

Guest blog by Nell Schreck, Director of Operations, Legacy Teams

Nell has always been involved in supporting the growth of people. Her strengths in communications and social media have allowed her to connect at all levels within businesses. She is a graduate of Temple University with a degree in Broadcasting and Communications. She also spent time at The Washington Center in DC where she did investigative reporting. Nell has a natural ability to ask the right questions and diagnose critical needs. Her attention to detail and passion for bringing people together makes her a great asset to Legacy Teams.

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